Never Piss Off a Pyro
by Psycho Lizard and Pyro Sarah
Summary: I hijacked one of Psycho Lizard's stories! I dont own Harry Potter! I only own myself-well, actually Psycho Lizard owns me, but that's a different story. Isn't the title creepy?


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"Never Piss Off a Pyro"

By: Pyro Sarah

:::Harry, Ron, and Hermoine open the door to a really creepy house, they are soaking wet because it is storming:::

RON: This place is creepy.

HERMOINE: Why are we here again?

HARRY: A friend is going away on vacation, and they asked me to watch the house for them.

RON: I see.

HERMOINE: Well let's check out the bedrooms.

:::They go up the spiral staircase to the bedrooms, they open the door to the first bedroom, someone is in there, they scream:::

PERSON: Who's there?!

HARRY: Sirius?

:::The person steps out of the shadows, it is Sirius Black:::

SIRIUS: What are you guys doing here?

HARRY: I'm watching this house for a friend.

SIRIUS: You too?

:::There is a large thump, everybody except Sirius screams:::

VOICE: Ow! MumbleStupidDoorMumble.

:::Remus Lupin comes into the room:::

REMUS: What are you three doing here?

HARRY: We're watching the house for a friend.

REMUS: Well that's weird. So are we.

:::The sound of a door slamming:::

RON: Is somebody else with you?

SIRIUS: Not that we know of. 

:::They all go down the spiral staircase, at the door are a dripping wet Voldemort, Lucius Malfoy, and Peter Pettigrew:::

HARRY, RON, HERMOINE, SIRIUS, AND REMUS: What the hell?!?!

:::Everybody draws their wands at the same time, they hear evil laughter:::

EVERYBODY: What's that?

:::A thirteen year old girl with blue eyes and brown hair pulled back into a ponytail wearing jeans, a grey T-shirt with 3 blue stars on it, a backwards black hat, and a necklace with a silver lizard that has a purple stone on it (It's Psycho Lizard):::

PSY: That would be me.

VOLDEMORT: Who are you?

PSY: I am Psycho Lizard, Psy for short, the author.

LUCIUS: But- Oh god, are we in another fanfic?

PSY: Yep. Oh yeah, you can't do magic in here.

HP PEOPLE: MumbleEvilAuthorMumble.

PSY: You better believe it. I'll just be going now. :::Goes to open the doors, but they won't open::: What the hell? :::Snaps fingers, the door still won't open::: (Softly, so no one can hear her) Uh-oh.

PETER: Why don't you just write that you can open the doors?

PSY: Do you see my computer anywhere around here?

PETER: Oh.

:::All the lights go out:::

PSY: That's not good.

HARRY: If you're not writing this fic who is?

PSY: I used to have a split personality disorder. But she split off from me, and now we have separate bodies.

HERMOINE: What is her name?

PSY: Pyro Sarah.

RON: Oh, that's not good.

PSY: It's not really appropriate though. She isn't as obsessed with fire as she used to be. But she's just as evilly psychotic. I just started the fic. Ow! Fudge it!

REMUS: What happened?

PSY: Something hit me.

VOLDIE: I think Sarah heard you.

:::More evil laughter fills the room:::

LUCIUS: Will you cut it out with the evil laughter!

PSY: That wasn't me.

:::Another girl steps out from behind a pillar, she looks exactly like Psy, except she's all dressed in black and has a blue frog necklace instead (Pyro Sarah, duh):::

SARAH: This is fun. My first fic.

PSY: And you people thought I was the evil author.

SARAH: You are, and you know it.

PSY: Well, good point, but-

SARAH: Oh shut up.

:::Psy scowls and shuts up:::

SARAH: Well, thought I'd just make an appearance so you'd know it was me. Buh-bye now. 

:::She snaps her fingers and disapparates:::

PETER: I thought we couldn't do magic.

PSY: She's got the author power now.

RON: That's it. We're dead.

EVERYBODY: Shut up Ron!

RON: eep...

PSY: :::Starts pacing::: We've got to figure out how we're going to handle this. I think, that if we anticipate her moves we can survive this. She's gotten kind of bored with the fire obsession, so we can most likely count that out. She hates monotony, so we can't expect her to do the same thing twice. 

SIRIUS: We're going to have to become able to predict the future, in other words.

PSY: Yup.

PETER: This really sucks.

LUCIUS: No shit Sherlock.

PETER: My name isn't Sherlock.

VOLDIE: Shut up Wormtail.

REMUS: It's taking awfully long for her to start anything happening.

HERMOINE: You complaining?

REMUS: No, it's just unnerving.

VOICES (Singing): You're all I ever wanted,

RON: Oh god...

VOICES (Singing): You're all I ever needed, yeah.

HARRY: Oh, please, no...

VOICES: So tell me what to do now...

PSY: Run. Run now.

VOICES: When 

VOICE 1: I- 

VOICE 2: I- 

VOICE 3: I- 

VOICE 4: I-

VOICE 5: I-

VOICES: Want you back!

:::Everybody runs screaming, the song is still going on:::

PSY: This is worse then I thought she'd be!

LUCIUS: What is this!?

PSY: One of the most horrible things known to mankind. N'sync! (To herself) Just please don't let Sarah play _her._

:::Everybody hears loud, female, shrieking and stops running:::

PSY: Oh no.

HERMIONE: What's that screaming?

PSY: Everybody! Off to the sides! Now!

:::Everybody jumps to the sides, narrowly avoiding being trampled by a large group of screaming girls running in the opposite direction:::

VOLDIE: :::After the girls left::: What were those?

PSY: Teenyboppers.

REMUS: The very name sounds evil.

:::A figure moves about in the shadows:::

SIRIUS: Am I the only one that just got a very bad feeling?

:::Everybody shakes their heads, a couple more figures move about in the shadows, one steps out, it is, gasp GILDEROY LOCKHART!!!:::

LOCKHART: Hello, would anyone like a autographed photo? I've got plenty! :::Holds up a big stack of pictures:::

:::More Lockharts step out from the shadows:::

EVERYBODY (Except the Lockharts): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:::Runs away:::

:::The music changes from N'sync to... Dun dun duuunnn!! BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!:::

PSY: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :::Falls to the ground and curls up in the fetal position::: NOT _HER_!!!!!!!!!!!

:::Hermione goes back to where Psy is:::

HERMIONE: Come on! :::Pulls Psy up and continues running:::

:::Fade to black:::

SARAH'S VOICE: Alas, Psycho Lizard and the poor characters never found their way out of the house. They were forever chased by a hundred Gilderoy Lockharts, forever nearly trampled to death by teenyboppers, and forever forced to listen to pop music. There is a moral to this story, boys and girls. "_Never_ piss off a pyro." :::Evil laughter:::

END


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